It's too many if's and maybe's
and not enough certainty.
can only be wifey when we're connected like the wifi.
remember when it was just you and me.
and we didn't worry about what we could do.
cos i used to love without fear a long time ago.
and i used to do it all for love a long time ago.
maybe it's time to just do it for the love if me
it's not excuse i give,

i'd do it all again because for you i live(d).

what you want might make you cry 
what you need my pass you by 
if you do not catch it

and what i need ironically 
will turn out what i want to be
if i just let it

for months i fell asleep with james blake singing he doesnt know about his dreams anymore. 
It reminds me of my time around sint anna, 
the cafe i served juice, beers and stories to strangers at the bar, 
the house with the red lights and my friends bringing me oysters to my doorstep, sitting on the sidewalk looking at people 
and staying up untill i needed to go bake cakes in the shop. 
That was easy and that was happy. Now finally there's another tune in the back of my mind when crashing the pillow. 
It's been a few years now since I live in other cities in other countries, 
speaking in different accents with different emotions. 
People start to blur and memories start to fade and my heart gets less sad. 
Leaving everything and everyone behind except one person that is not me does effect the wires in my head and other main vital organs. 
I do not regret it one single day. 
Everything is how we left it. 
When we go back we only have the funtimes, 
drama and bullshit is excluded. 
I found a path that wasn't the brightest but decided to walk it anyway 
and I got to the crossroad, beyond the waiting space 
and I am happy and excited and who knows it might lead to the dream that opened this feed; 
NY... NY NOT to 'NY and why not?'. 
People always tell you to follow your heart right?
I will follow to what I signed up for. 
The dream is the journey not the destination. 
And he's the guide.

stick it up on my ceiling
fall asleep gazing at it
wake up one day
to find myself in my own Villa Lena studio
and i will have become the dream.

you know the deal babe.

the house has scars on the walls
it hurts

April 22, 1958
57 Perry Street
New York City

You ask advice: ah, what a very human and very dangerous thing to do! For to give advice to a man who asks what to do with his life implies something very close to egomania. To presume to point a man to the right and ultimate goal — to point with a trembling finger in the RIGHT direction is something only a fool would take upon himself.
I am not a fool, but I respect your sincerity in asking my advice. I ask you though, in listening to what I say, to remember that all advice can only be a product of the man who gives it. What is truth to one may be disaster to another. I do not see life through your eyes, nor you through mine. If I were to attempt to give you specific advice, it would be too much like the blind leading the blind.
"To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles … " 
And indeed, that IS the question: whether to float with the tide, or to swim for a goal. It is a choice we must all make consciously or unconsciously at one time in our lives. So few people understand this! Think of any decision you've ever made which had a bearing on your future: I may be wrong, but I don't see how it could have been anything but a choice however indirect — between the two things I've mentioned: the floating or the swimming.
But why not float if you have no goal? That is another question. It is unquestionably better to enjoy the floating than to swim in uncertainty. So how does a man find a goal? Not a castle in the stars, but a real and tangible thing. How can a man be sure he's not after the "big rock candy mountain," the enticing sugar-candy goal that has little taste and no substance?
The answer — and, in a sense, the tragedy of life — is that we seek to understand the goal and not the man. We set up a goal which demands of us certain things: and we do these things. We adjust to the demands of a concept which CANNOT be valid. When you were young, let us say that you wanted to be a fireman. I feel reasonably safe in saying that you no longer want to be a fireman. Why? Because your perspective has changed. It's not the fireman who has changed, but you. Every man is the sum total of his reactions to experience. As your experiences differ and multiply, you become a different man, and hence your perspective changes. This goes on and on. Every reaction is a learning process; every significant experience alters your perspective.
So it would seem foolish, would it not, to adjust our lives to the demands of a goal we see from a different angle every day? How could we ever hope to accomplish anything other than galloping neurosis?
The answer, then, must not deal with goals at all, or not with tangible goals, anyway. It would take reams of paper to develop this subject to fulfillment. God only knows how many books have been written on "the meaning of man" and that sort of thing, and god only knows how many people have pondered the subject. (I use the term "god only knows" purely as an expression.) There's very little sense in my trying to give it up to you in the proverbial nutshell, because I'm the first to admit my absolute lack of qualifications for reducing the meaning of life to one or two paragraphs.
I'm going to steer clear of the word "existentialism," but you might keep it in mind as a key of sorts. You might also try something called "Being and Nothingness" by Jean-Paul Sartre, and another little thing called "Existentialism: From Dostoyevsky to Sartre." These are merely suggestions. If you're genuinely satisfied with what you are and what you're doing, then give those books a wide berth. (Let sleeping dogs lie.) But back to the answer. As I said, to put our faith in tangible goals would seem to be, at best, unwise. So we do not strive to be firemen, we do not strive to be bankers, nor policemen, nor doctors. WE STRIVE TO BE OURSELVES.
But don't misunderstand me. I don't mean that we can't BE firemen, bankers, or doctors — but that we must make the goal conform to the individual, rather than make the individual conform to the goal. In every man, heredity and environment have combined to produce a creature of certain abilities and desires — including a deeply ingrained need to function in such a way that his life will be MEANINGFUL. A man has to BE something; he has to matter.
As I see it then, the formula runs something like this: a man must choose a path which will let his ABILITIES function at maximum efficiency toward the gratification of his DESIRES. In doing this, he is fulfilling a need (giving himself identity by functioning in a set pattern toward a set goal), he avoids frustrating his potential (choosing a path which puts no limit on his self-development), and he avoids the terror of seeing his goal wilt or lose its charm as he draws closer to it (rather than bending himself to meet the demands of that which he seeks, he has bent his goal to conform to his own abilities and desires).
In short, he has not dedicated his life to reaching a pre-defined goal, but he has rather chosen a way of life he KNOWS he will enjoy. The goal is absolutely secondary: it is the functioning toward the goal which is important. And it seems almost ridiculous to say that a man MUST function in a pattern of his own choosing; for to let another man define your own goals is to give up one of the most meaningful aspects of life — the definitive act of will which makes a man an individual.
Let's assume that you think you have a choice of eight paths to follow (all pre-defined paths, of course). And let's assume that you can't see any real purpose in any of the eight. THEN — and here is the essence of all I've said— you MUST FIND A NINTH PATH.
Naturally, it isn't as easy as it sounds. You've lived a relatively narrow life, a vertical rather than a horizontal existence. So it isn't any too difficult to understand why you seem to feel the way you do. But a man who procrastinates in his CHOOSING will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.
So if you now number yourself among the disenchanted, then you have no choice but to accept things as they are, or to seriously seek something else. But beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living WITHIN that way of life. But you say, "I don't know where to look; I don't know what to look for."
And there's the crux. Is it worth giving up what I have to look for something better? I don't know — is it? Who can make that decision but you? But even by DECIDING TO LOOK, you go a long way toward making the choice.
If I don't call this to a halt, I'm going to find myself writing a book. I hope it's not as confusing as it looks at first glance. Keep in mind, of course, that this is MY WAY of looking at things. I happen to think that it's pretty generally applicable, but you may not. Each of us has to create our own credo — this merely happens to be mine.
If any part of it doesn't seem to make sense, by all means call it to my attention. I'm not trying to send you out "on the road" in search of Valhalla, but merely pointing out that it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it. There is more to it than that — no one HAS to do something he doesn't want to do for the rest of his life. But then again, if that's what you wind up doing, by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it. You'll have lots of company.
And that's it for now. Until I hear from you again, I remain,
your friend,

Some dreams come to me like visions
I had only a few ones that were life changing
but I remember a Tshirt that stated Young, Poor and Ugly
and it got stuck in my head again.
Perhaps because I'm still there.

Were you not the one posting
way way back
'why is no one looking for me?'
and I found you
well today 
I am asking myself the same.
come find me back.

so, I found out time is catching up on me
whilst they stayed under their village tower they too moved on
breathing in my neck, and i can only run faster
ahead of myself and the present
but all along I had a fever
eye in eye with the same cold sweat hot-headed believer
not allowed to challenge him to show me something good
at least i'm not going round and round again
but not really sure how to feel about it
my hands in the air

we kick it
slicker than your average 
i love you
you know it

note: will start writing again when this chaos is over... 
 - remember when we were still in school and it wasn't all about making it rain

actions are louder than words
(or at least during summer)
visual diary here

my voice is too loud
my eyes are bigger than my stomach
my mouth curved in a smile
I yell at you
i get out of control
i spill my drinks
i yell at strangers
i take the wrong way home
i loose my oystercard
 every month
i don't feel like running in the park
i would pay too much for yoga
i have those trousers 
but not in blue
i forget my pill
i don't make lunch i eat sushi
i still don't know what i really want
i can cry for no reason
i like good gossip
i get jealous too easy
i complain about my body
i miss my grandparents
i miss my parents
i miss my friends
i live in the past
i drink too much coffee
i know where i go wrong
but i'm unable to change 


   i don't know about my dreams anymore.

there's bobby caldwell again 
singing in my head

tears are running ahhh, they're all running! down your breast
and your friends baby, they treat you like a guest.
I went out with strangers, danced in a blur
after the eatster party at work, they made the chocolate melt
and went down underground and took me with them
I took a random buss and found the way home
thinking I had good clean fun but 
it would'nt beat a night out with my crew.
So I took the hangover boat home
to dance dance dance with everybody I LOVE!!

I remember it very well
and it tasted like bleeding cottoncandy.

When it rains it pours 
We get paid but always feel poor
when the sun is out it glitters
but I'm too blinded to see
All this fuss over nothing 
re-inventing the wheel
all this searching for something
and now it's real but I'm not aware
remember when we were in the glasshouse
and the music was loud and the writings on the wall above your head
agreed that you took my breath away and that we are young and restless
Come closer, I want to fold you.
You push me forward and I have no time to look back
not even to write it down so I won't forget.
Now I build my memory with music playlists instead of words. 

it's all good baby, baby
i'm doing really really good.
new job, new home, new people, new ballet danceclasses
this city is triggering a good vibe
but I wish a part of Antwerp & Ghent
was living just around my corner.

I'm moving to London tomorrow, with a week notice,
I lost my head and my heart is divided.
There's only few people that truly matter
but I'm not invited to both parties.

guess the world did end.
03:20 red eyes on what was a great sunday.

yet two days later i'm sharing songs with my heartbroken roomie.
but the happy sad kind, hoping for everything to solve itself,
or just hope for a better plan, but may it come to us kinda fast, 
to maybe forget the other halfs ever happened.
Mamma said.

let's see.
when life was sweet as cinnemon,
like a fucking dream i was living in.
(this part is very me me me me minded)
- I followed the boy and moved to Paris
- I was first choice to intern at Kitsuné but was denied because 'sans papiers'
- I did an interview at a high end fashion magazine,
didn't understand a word of his french but got the job anyway.

- I did the entire Icons Issue with Antidote Magazine.
- I went to London to shoot Naomi Campbell
- I made a website that was intergrated on the Cargocollective showcase
- I've been on set as styling assistant stylist with Malgosia Bela, Bianca Balti, Constance Jablonski,
Lindsey Wixson, Eva Herzigova, Natasha Poly, Saskia De Grauw, Aymeline Valade, ...
tho I'm not a stylist.
- was on the cover of Weekend Knack Magazine
and relived the Dreamers. 
- I've worked together with House of Gonzague.
-  I posed for L'imparfaite magazine in 'O.
- made friends with the guys from LVDOVICO MAGNO
- got fashion week invitations to the shows
- had Silencio all to ourselves.
- had summer / fall / winter / spring in Paris, just that.
- Did the graphic design for Cesar Casier's cookbook that made it to and to Colette.
-  was at the Initials LA office once back in Belgium.
- did a production with Frederik Vercruysse.
- Finally made it to NY to assist on the Levis SS13 shoot with Athos Burez.
- loved loved loved NYC
- Planned to follow my heart and move to London in